Ideas About ‘Manliness’
An Australian study interviewed 770 men about their use of positive coping strategies to prevent and manage their mental health. The men’s discussion of positive coping strategies was often framed in terms of how society conceives of a ‘typical’ man, and how this affects men’s handling of feeling down or depressed:
“…it’s the man thing, it’s the blokey thing where you don’t want to be – they don’t want to be seen to be weak, because they’re a man, male…”
Not all of the men identified with this attitude and thought it could be harmful sometimes. Men associated successful prevention and management of their moods with being open to using a range of strategies, regardless of how ‘masculine’ they were Typically masculine strategies that came ‘naturally’ to men were those that emphasised self- sufficiency, achievement and problem solving.
Examining the cause of a problem, finding another way to look at it, identifying ‘logical’ solutions and having a plan provided relief from stress and boosted self-worth, confidence and motivation.
“Isn’t that such a typical man way of doing? We look for a reason; how do we fix that reason. I don’t know if that’s too stereotypical.”
Problem solving often emerged as a process of reframing thoughts, where men asked themselves a series of questions that helped them to change perspective on a problem (e.g. am I overreacting?). For some this was a skill learned via Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, for others it was a natural, instinctive skill. Thought reframing helped men interpret problems differently, allowed them to choose a new approach and to feel in control of problems.
Another common strategy strongly tied to masculine pride or achievement was goal-setting, which fit neatly with their ideas about having a routine for prevention. Use of this strategy was common and goals varied considerably (i.e. could be large or small), but achieving them was an essential component of mental health and wellbeing:
“I get a sheet of paper and roughly plan seven days at a time… write down all the trivial things you do, and then tick them off, and then you get a sense at the end of the day or midday, well I’ve done something…but tick them off because otherwise you can really be depressed”
Conforming to stereotypically male behaviours could have negative effects (e.g. not talking about problems) and men were open about challenging these ideas. Strategies which challenged ‘typical masculinity’ included:
1) Accepting their feelings
2) Admitting vulnerability
3) Crying
4) Talking to others
5) Asking for help
“Guys have a good way of doing it, and they probably don’t get the credit…it can be a bit of a stereotype to say guys don’t talk, because we certainly do…”
While many said it had not always been the case that they used these strategies, they said that they learned the value of connecting with others, especially in difficult times.
Other atypical strategies included:
1) Practicing meditation and mindfulness
2) Dedication to helping others
3) Finding their life purpose
4) Consciously building relationships.
Overall, they perceived that the situation was slowly changing and that men would benefit from continuing to challenge stereotypes and be open to using a variety of different strategies.
If you would like to read the entire study, it can be found at the link below:
“Doing what comes naturally: Positive self-help strategies used by men to prevent depression and suicide”
